… feelings & thoughts, scripted in fonts …

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791. Feelings…

Whenever happy, go silent, finding myself blessed,.

When sad, find Him trying to reach out to me, to teach me something.. feel even more blessed, stop talking even to myself..!!

Feeling blessed always, in all circumstances, while searching for peace in all my silences..

Got this book while desperately searching for some silent moments from my book rack. Can’t thank you more, for being always there for me, my Light..!!




785. My Realisation..(2)

Life, is to learn, life, is to live..

To learn about life from within,

Death, we only visit..

When all our desires we meet,

When we want to go deep..

To sink into life within,

When nothing else bothers..

When nothing else surprises us..

We’re ready to meet the Supreme

When ready to go deep..

To go deep down within,

Death is like sinking deep within,

Leaving our bodies behind,

Till we continue to learn..

Till, ready to change ourselves..

Nowhere else, we all are going,

Death, I feel, is..

Shedding off our superficial skin,

And delving into our own selves..

A journey, to sink deep within..!!



784. My realisation, a lesson..(1)

It’s not..

always about the outcome,

It’s more about..

the amount of effort,

Effort can never be judged,

should not be, as it’s relative,

depending on person to person,

Outcome, can’t be judged as well..

as outcome depends more on..

its ongoing present situation.

Efforts may have been..

honest, hard working,

But outcome may not..

be always as expected.

So, the best is not to judge..

anything, or anyone,

I learnt it today..

like we all do everyday,

This being my realisation..

This much, my today’s lesson..!!



782. Feelings…

Was feeling restless for the past few days. Wasn’t able to cool myself down. Something was pricking from inside of my mind. Couldn’t trace, what was that, which was keeping me so restless. Could not read, couldn’t even write. Uncountable and overflowing thoughts were all busy juggling in my mind. Couldn’t rest in one meditational focal point.

Suddenly remembered, I’ve not touched my pen since I caught hold of my typewriter.

Typing and writing together, at the same go, never went well with me. It was actually ‘the typing me’ missing ‘the writing me’. That’s what knocked my mind that time. Immediately I took out my pen, my diary and put my table lamp on. Suddenly under the lamp light found the diary giving me a mile of a smile.

It was so happy to get to see me after one year. So many thoughts, incidents, feelings crossed me, but I didn’t share them with it. I felt guilty about it. How could I ignore it, which once played such a pivotal role in shaping me sanity. I befriended all but it has been always my special one. No matter how many people I meet, places, I visit or incidents I face, no matter how stressed, tired or exhausted I happened to be, there was never a day, I didn’t sit with my Dearie, my dear diary.

And now..??!! So long I took to come back to this heart of mine, outside my body. Out of sight, out of mind..??? Shame on me..!!!!!

Turned over the used pages and went back to meet the one year younger Me. Read some of the pieces, smiled, felt strange. How our thoughts change with time and situations..!! How they bring out a bolder version of us, that we smile at our own weak selves left behind, that too, within a year or two..?!!

Turned back some more, got lost in those moments left behind, this time, tears started to roll down. Felt blessed that the Lord really works so hard to take care of His believers, His lovers, His followers. He never leaves us unattended. If He’s busy and has to attend someone, somewhere else, he always deputes some other Angel to sit in his place and monitor us to see what and how we need to be looked after better. He’s always so kind and affectionate. I could relate with all the past sad events, which actually were blessings in disguise. They taught me so much. They changed me a lot. Thus, those sad moments turned my present bad one into a smile, as I was filled with gratitude and thankfulness. I learned that the tearful, fearful moments don’t defy God’s absence, whereas they affirm His presence more. His teachings are hidden there only. Depends on us, if we want to ignore and put them away or ignite them and set them in our minds permanently.

Surprisingly, I was refilled with positivity, vigour and happiness. Going back with time to our past self, is such a wonderful therapy, which reboots our mind, boosts us up and fixes up the missing links, the gaps there, so skilfully.

Old photo albums, personal diaries etc., are one’s real friends indeed, for the sudden introverted minds, who feel let down, left alone at times.

Date with your diary, in order to date with yourself, only to be with your own self sometimes. It feels great.

Believe me..!!



761. Feelings…

Forgot my Me…

Time.. Huhh..!!!!

It changed me wholly, and that too terribly. Time changed my thoughts, my ways of thinking. How..?? Time made me mean and in the meantime it made me confident too..!! Should I be thankful..??

The more I grew up, the more meanness I welcomed, the more confidence entered. Time showed me a wrong path, an avenue which showered flowers on each step I took forward..!! Should I be thankful..??

I got hurt and learnt disbelief, mistrust. My heart cried and cried and helped me learn how to wipe, kill, dry and bury them in my head box. Time taught me to murder my Self..!! Should I be thankful..??

My emotions were used which further taught me how to suppress my natural self and showing a completely different version of mine, which I wasn’t at all me. Time taught me hypocrisy..!!

I was blamed for things I didn’t do, my soft voice trying to clarify my views, to defend myself, was shut through strong, shriek, shrill, loud cries. Time taught me to fight back..!! Should I feel thankful..??

I was laughed at for my simplicity, straight forward quests. My habit of smiling and greeting, treating all equally irrespective of social strata were ridiculed. Time taught me to judge..!! Should I be thankful..??

Today, I look at myself, not in a worldly mirror but in my mind’s reflection. Who’s this woman..?? Do I know her..?? Is this the one whom the Light sent on this earth..?? Naah..!!!!! She’s totally someone else..!!

Today, she’s busy defending herself, scared of being befriended and befooled, of being emotionally ill-treated. She’s too much cautious of her weaknesses, which now she finds were actually her strengths.

She lost her frequent smiles, she lost her touching tears, she lost her soulful love for the world, she forgot how to trust. She wasn’t made for this world, so Time killed her innocent ‘She’, so Time made her mean.

Yes, now I am sure, I’m thankful to Time, as it made me harsh, ruthless and confident enough to face this smart world. This world is only for the survival of the fittest, so it was Time who taught me to survive..!!



744. A Real Man..

The word, Man, in its real sense, was the one, I feel..

Was someone, I am blessed to be closely related with,

Compassion, boldness, existed equally in him..

Lucky to have spent most of my childhood days with him,

Under the canopy of his unconditional love, abundant..

All the love in his strictness, shaped our integrity perfect,

Today, we know how far to go in life, where to draw the line..

How to enjoy, also when to say a bold “NO”, quite polite,

We grew up with his perfect blend of spirituality and science..

Who walked his own path, always straight and upright,

The Lord made him a Doctor, to serve humanity in ample..

To soar high, helped him reach out to all, was his ambition,

To roam, all around the world, he loved to learn..

God’s most loved child, brought on earth on a special mission,

Never did he compromise on his belief systems and decisions,

His humility, his strength, his conscience, his guide..

Showed him his path, his own innermost Light,

So broad minded was he, never differentiated, never judged..

Always believed in soaring high, touching the sky,

Yet kept one of his foot always on the ground..

So that his advancements never make him proud,

So that it hurt him less, anyday, anyhow, if he fell..

Considered his duties, to be, always above himself,

Which further inspired the Lord to fulfill his dreams..

He was paid back in full, for whatever he did,

By giving him everything, whatever he dreamt..

An inspiring soul, our Grand Dad, our Mom’s father,

Today, on his birthday, him, we never fail to remember..

This year, being the twenty fifth one, of him leaving us forever,

The emptiness still exists, the void still there..!!


( A poem on my maternal grandfather, written on 17th July 2020. The day, this year, like every year, I miss him a lot. Much much more than the other days. That’s specially because, his last birthday in the year 1995 was his 78th and the last one, celebrated by us, his grandchildren. And just after 7 months, he met with a cardiac arrest and left us forever.

His absence left a special imprint on my young mind then, much more than his presence. This must be what happens when you lose someone really close and share a silent connection with, which you get to know only after they leave.

Even after 25 years, that void never left, that pain never healed.)

Love and regards, Dadu, our man of substance.. β€πŸ™πŸΌπŸ’•