Was feeling restless for the past few days. Wasn’t able to cool myself down. Something was pricking from inside of my mind. Couldn’t trace, what was that, which was keeping me so restless. Could not read, couldn’t even write. Uncountable and overflowing thoughts were all busy juggling in my mind. Couldn’t rest in one meditational focal point.
Suddenly remembered, I’ve not touched my pen since I caught hold of my typewriter.
Typing and writing together, at the same go, never went well with me. It was actually ‘the typing me’ missing ‘the writing me’. That’s what knocked my mind that time. Immediately I took out my pen, my diary and put my table lamp on. Suddenly under the lamp light found the diary giving me a mile of a smile.
It was so happy to get to see me after one year. So many thoughts, incidents, feelings crossed me, but I didn’t share them with it. I felt guilty about it. How could I ignore it, which once played such a pivotal role in shaping me sanity. I befriended all but it has been always my special one. No matter how many people I meet, places, I visit or incidents I face, no matter how stressed, tired or exhausted I happened to be, there was never a day, I didn’t sit with my Dearie, my dear diary.
And now..??!! So long I took to come back to this heart of mine, outside my body. Out of sight, out of mind..??? Shame on me..!!!!!
Turned over the used pages and went back to meet the one year younger Me. Read some of the pieces, smiled, felt strange. How our thoughts change with time and situations..!! How they bring out a bolder version of us, that we smile at our own weak selves left behind, that too, within a year or two..?!!
Turned back some more, got lost in those moments left behind, this time, tears started to roll down. Felt blessed that the Lord really works so hard to take care of His believers, His lovers, His followers. He never leaves us unattended. If He’s busy and has to attend someone, somewhere else, he always deputes some other Angel to sit in his place and monitor us to see what and how we need to be looked after better. He’s always so kind and affectionate. I could relate with all the past sad events, which actually were blessings in disguise. They taught me so much. They changed me a lot. Thus, those sad moments turned my present bad one into a smile, as I was filled with gratitude and thankfulness. I learned that the tearful, fearful moments don’t defy God’s absence, whereas they affirm His presence more. His teachings are hidden there only. Depends on us, if we want to ignore and put them away or ignite them and set them in our minds permanently.
Surprisingly, I was refilled with positivity, vigour and happiness. Going back with time to our past self, is such a wonderful therapy, which reboots our mind, boosts us up and fixes up the missing links, the gaps there, so skilfully.
Old photo albums, personal diaries etc., are one’s real friends indeed, for the sudden introverted minds, who feel let down, left alone at times.
Date with your diary, in order to date with yourself, only to be with your own self sometimes. It feels great.